The Reality of My Circumstances

The year was 2005 and I was a 17 year old senior at Plano East Senior High School. At this point I’ve had a very blessed and good upbringing. I grew up in a nice area of Mesquite, TX moved to Richardson TX with my father at the age of 15 and spent my high school years living in an upper middle class suburb.  Up to this point I had absolutely no negative encounters with anyone or anything basically. But one incident when I was 17 not only showed I was naïve, but also opened my eyes to the reality of my circumstances that I would likely have to deal with the rest of my life.

Growing up my dad and I would occasionally have conversations about racial issues. One time in particular when I was 16 I was with my dad in New York and I was reading a story in the newspaper about lawsuits against Denny’s and Cracker Barrel for racial discrimination. As I’m reading it I’m saying to myself no way this all really happened this is just an awful money grab attempt. I know this was common during the civil rights era but not today. I remember thinking to myself, “I’ve never seen or encountered anything close to this personally.” I showed my dad that article and he looked right at me and said he believed that a lot of that happened. He told me at that moment racism still exists very much especially in the south. My dad understood his circumstances being an African American man growing up in Mississippi during the 60’s and 70’era. But not only from his upbringing but also during his time working in corporate America as a former CFO.  His experiences made him realize the reality of his circumstances against him simply because he was an African American man in America.

A year later after my dad and I had that conversation in New York I had my first encounter at 17. One day after basketball practice I was in the locker room changing clothes getting ready to head home and my wallet fell out of my pocket as I pulled out my blue jeans from my locker. Without thinking I just instinctively put my wallet in my gym bag as I was gathering up my things to leave school. Shortly after getting my stuff I head to my car I put my gym bag in my trunk and start driving off to head home. After about 10 minutes of driving I come to a 4 way stop that I pass on my way home every single day. As I come to a complete stop at the 4 way stop I see a police SUV in the distance too my left. His lights were not on and the SUV was still a good distance away from even reaching the stop sign. I immediately drive forward after coming to a complete stop and after about 3 minutes I see the police SUV right behind me and the lights come on pulling me over. I’m at this point just absolutely baffled as to why he’s pulling me over. I wasn’t speeding, I came to a complete stop, his lights weren’t on and I clearly got to the stop sign well before he did. I just kept asking myself, why is he pulling me over?

As the officer knocks on my window and I roll my window down. He does what every officer does on a routine traffic stop. He asks for my license and registration. I immediately remembered my license is in my trunk because I threw my wallet in my gym bag as I was leaving the locker room. I gave the officer my insurance but politely told him my license is in my gym bag in the trunk and I can give you my license number right now and if necessary get my license out of my gym bag. The officer without hesitation got extremely firm with me as he called me an irresponsible kid for not having my license on me or in the front of the car with me. At this point I calmly ask him, why did you pull me over? He doesn’t answer my question and he immediately opens my door and tells me to step out of the car. I unbuckle my seat belt and step out. As I’m now out of my car standing right in front of him I again calmly ask him, why did you pull me over? He still doesn’t answer my question. The very next thing he does is he starts to look through my driver side door as the window is down. He then grabs his flashlight and starts to look in my car. I than ask him, “Sir are you looking for something?” He flashes that bright light directly in my face and says too me, “should I be looking for something?” I tell him I have absolutely nothing in my car so he tells me, “Than I shouldn’t have anything to worry about” as he illegally searches my car by opening my driver side doors and glazing with his flashlight in my car.

So by this point I’m beyond frustrated but yet very nervous which is slightly turning into fear because I have no idea what could or is about to happen. I just stay calm and again I politely ask him for about the 5^th time Sir why did you pull me over?  He then asks me in an extremely firm and frustrated tone, “did you not see me?” I answer yes sir I did. So he asks me why didn’t you give me the right away? I mention to the officer that his lights weren’t on and I came to the 4 way stop first and you weren’t close to the stop sign. He immediately calls me the typical teenage kid. So I ask him, “That’s why you pulled me over for not giving you the right away when clearly you didn’t have it in this situation?” The officer looked right at me and said with his aggressive tone, “When you see a police car you always give him the right away. Have more respect for your officers” He then tells me because since I’m irresponsible here’s my ticket for not having a license even though I had my license in my trunk and I told him I could’ve easily given him my license number.

At this point the officer gets back in his SUV and drives off. I get back in my car and I literally sit there in complete anger and frustration yet relieved I’m able to go home. I just thought to myself what an asshole. I did absolutely nothing wrong, but yet all of this happened. This can’t be right. I drive home and I just storm through the front door and run upstairs. Clearly my dad knows something is wrong. I’m just standing in my little brother’s room and my dad comes up and he asks me am I ok. I just tell my dad what I just went through with this cop. My dad looks right at me and tells me this is the reality of being black. That cop pulled you over and picked on you because he saw a young black kid in this neighborhood probably playing rap music and immediately built up a negative perception. My dad just told me if I ever come across an officer no matter what stay calm cool and collected at all times, comply with him with everything, don’t make any sudden movements, and most importantly NEVER GIVE THEM A REASON. The moment you give a bad cop with an agenda a reason you’re going in handcuffs or god forbid worse. My dad told me he’s dealt with the same situation on more than one occasion. Where he was pulled over or encountered an officer who purposely abused their power just waiting for my dad to give them a reason.  At that moment I realized how naïve I’ve been and I realized the reality of my circumstances. I’m a young black man in America and this is the obstacles I will have to likely deal with the rest of my life.

That was 11 years ago as I’ve gotten older and more mature I’ve come to understand the true reality of being a young African American in this country. It’s built in institutional racism that has sadly become a part of this country’s identity. This institutional racism has built an unconscious negative perception of blacks especially black men. The worst part of this perception is, were seen as a threat. I’ve walked into a dollar general before in the past and have been followed from a distance by an employee being watched like a hawk while other customers shop with no issues. I once bought a Gatorade and a Twix at a 7-11. I came back in to get one more item and the cashier immediately accused me of stealing, even though I just bought the items minutes ago. The only reason that situation didn’t get out of hand was because another customer defended me telling the cashier I was just in line not even 5 minutes ago.  There are occasions where I have to be careful how I dress and present myself simply because of the area of town I know I’m going into. When I wear a hoodie I purposely never put the hoodie over my head at night regardless of how cold it is outside simply because I don’t want someone to get the wrong perception of me. These are the things I have to think and worry about on an almost regular basis.

I know all cops aren’t bad. I know there are way more good officers than bad. I don’t see the police as the enemy I see them same as I see the people who serve in our military. Brave individuals that do a very dangerous job for very low pay and at time underappreciated. I truly feel bad for the good cops whose job have now become impossible because the acts of the bad cops.  But the reality is just like every job and company has bad employees there is and will always be bad cops in the mix. As an African American man who has to deal with the unconscious negative perception I do get scared with every encounter with an officer. I know all it takes for me is to come across that one bad officer who has an agenda. Just one sudden movement, one tiny mistake, or just one misunderstanding and I could easily become the next statistic and the next protest. The incident I described at 17 if I would’ve reacted angry towards the officer about him illegally searching my car I likely would’ve been calling my dad from jail.  It’s sad that at 17 my dad had to have a conversation with me about how to act around an officer for my own safety. My mom and dad had to raise me to dress and act a certain way to avoid the negative perception. I know it’ll be tough for a lot of people who aren’t young African Americans to understand this. The best thing you can do is truly listen and to truly try to understand rather than just pick a side or rush judgment.  That’s the first step to take in solving this issue is realizing there is an issue.  Communication and dialogue is what’s needed most. Until we all understand these issues and start looking at each other as equal human beings things won’t get better for all parties.

My name is Jonathan Baker I’m a 28 year old from middle class suburbs, who’s a college educated man, who owns his own business, and who’s never been arrested or been to jail. I’m one of the nicest laid back guys you’ll ever come across. I'm Black lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, and All Lives Matter. The loss of life is never the answer. Yet because I’m a young African American man this is the reality of my circumstances.